Career Decisions-Parents as Facilitators

The 10th Standard results are around the corner and WhatsApp groups are flooded with the possible result dates and the expected trends. Parents would also have planned the gifts that they would buy for their child if their (parents') expectations are met. For the parents, every discussion happening in their office canteen, in kitty parties or on a local train invariably veers to the possible career options available and the choices that they have made (for their child). 

“My son loves drawing but he cannot make a career with that”, “My daughter is a born dancer but we are a Brahmin family and she cannot make it a profession”, “We are a family of doctors and our son will also become a doctor”. How often have we heard these comments or for that matter how many of us make these or similar comments? My response to these comments will be “It was not too long ago that you showcased your son’s drawings to every person who visited your house”, “It was only a few years ago that that you posted a video recording of your daughter’s first dance performance on Facebook and took pride in all the comments and likes”. “You conveniently forget that while you are doctors, your son has always been interested in music”.

What has changed? Why are we showing a lack of confidence in the abilities of our child and restricting him/her from converting his/her interests into a career. The typical response from parents would then be “He/she can pursue these interests as a hobby but making a career is very different”.

My dear parents (and that includes me as well), why should that be the case? Isn’t it better that our child lives a life ‘wanting to’ go to work rather than ‘having to’? A majority of us are always complaining about our daily grind because we are pursuing a career that was not our choice. Why do we want our children to suffer through it?

 

The parent-child relationship is one of the most beautiful association but is often impacted by some very deep-rooted belief systems.

 

Belief 1: My child is still young and cannot take decisions. Hence I need to take decisions on his/her behalf

When my daughter was 5 years old, she would play with her kitchen set. After some time she would come with a small toy cup and serve an imaginary cup of tea. One day, my intrigue got the better of me and I observed her very closely. She was actually imitating her mother’s actions and behavior which she had possibly observed during her growing years. She was even talking to imaginary people around her to mirror conversations that her mother would have (with real people of course). When I look back at those moments, it makes me realize that children like to behave as adults and take responsibility (Not that these two always go together). We have seen our children get so excited when we give them a task to do since they look at it as a responsibility which they need to handle well. The same applies to their career decisions as well. Let the child be made responsible for his/her career. He/she will take the necessary effort to fulfil that responsibility and decide prudently. With responsibility also comes the accountability for the decision. As parents, we need to just let go of the need to control the lives of our children. We need to provide them with all the information they may need to make their decisions but ultimately the accountability rests with them. Let them know this and see the difference in their approach. I have met many graduates in my profession who have no idea about what to do in their career. They conveniently shift the accountability of their career choice to their parents by saying “My parents asked me to do Engineering and hence I did it”. Making them accountable for their decisions will avoid these situations.

 

Belief 2: My child is having some interests but making a career in that will not give him/her money

We are all probably doing well in our respective professions in terms of money that we earn. However, how many of us really want to go to work on a Monday morning? Money is important but how can we decide which profession will give him/her the money some years down the line. We never imagined that a business like Uber would exist even 5 years ago. Today, it is the biggest taxi fleet company which does not own a  taxi. The skills that are needed by this company are very different from the standard skills that we knew 5 years ago. The Business environment is changing so rapidly that it will be impossible to predict what jobs will be required 5 years hence. Let’s look at the case of the parent who said “My son loves drawing but he cannot make a career with that”. We need to understand that the love for drawing should be treated like a metaphor. We don’t expect him to be drawing objects on a sheet of paper for the rest of his life and making a career out of it. As a parent, we need to delve a little more into these indicators. Is he good at copying an image or does his drawing reproduce a thought or idea?  In the first case, the child may be not be displaying creative traits but has skills of Observation, Attention to detail, Hand-eye coordination etc. In the latter case, the child is clearly showing a tendency to be creative and imaginative. Both these are very different set of traits which would also get applied very differently. As parents, these are the nuances that we need to understand and help our children associate their traits with real life professions which will help them make career choices aligned with their area of interest.     

 

Belief 3: My child should get into a profession that I finally approve

This is an indirect way of ensuring that my child should choose the career which will ‘make me happy’.  Isn’t it ironical that the child’s happiness is not even being considered (it is assumed) while making a decision which will impact his/her life. Why can’t we allow him/her to make a career choice and fully support it? Today’s generation has access to a lot of information and are more aware of the world than the generation of their parents. There are a plethora of career options available today and some of which did not even exist until a few years ago. Why should the child be restricted to the profession of his/her parents or limit himself/herself to the choices made by them? Parents should play the role of a facilitator rather than a decision maker.

A Coach can help the parents get rid of these archaic belief systems and also encourage the child to make the right career choice.

My dear parents, let us make our children accountable for their career, help them associate their traits to real-life profession and trust our child when they make a choice.

Let us play the role of a facilitator in the entire process. We would be giving them the best life gift that they could have asked for.

 

Good luck to all the children awaiting their results!!!

Coach-Ram