Be an Elite Active Listener
Over the years, we have been enlightened with theories on Leadership and Organizations expect their Leaders to be adept at one or more of these. These theories highlight the need for Leaders to imbibe skills which are relevant to their context.
While there are a range of Leadership skills which get talked about, the one skill which has remained common across all Leadership theories is that of 'Listening'.
Leaders that listen change the trajectory of their team and the quality of their relationships. This is the most basic of skills but the irony is that even with ample opportunities to listen, most leaders aren’t very good at it.
Research shows only 13% of professionals have “effective” listening skills. Another study suggests roughly 60% of communication time is spent listening, yet most people retain just 25% of what they hear.
Do you believe that you are an effective listener?
If I ask this question to anyone, a majority would answer in the affirmative. And in most cases, the belief that you are an effective listener may be coming in the way of you actually becoming better at it.
Whichever group you belong to, there is a simple principle you should consider to help you become better at listening:
Don’t assume you are a good listener, assume you are not
Leaders tend to make two significant mistakes,
i. Assuming they are listening
ii. Not understanding the difference between hearing and listening.
Hearing vs. Listening
While hearing and listening may seem like they serve the same purpose, the difference between the two is relatively significant. Yes, the two activities involve the use of ears, but that’s about where their similarities stop.
The definition of hearing has more to do with the physiological act of hearing sounds than it does with making sense and connecting with the person talking to you.
On the other hand, listening means “to pay attention to sound; to hear something with thoughtful attention; also taking inputs from other sensory organs and then to give consideration.”
e.g. When a team member is telling you the reason why he is late with a deliverable, you may HEAR the words being spoken. When you make a decision based on this input only, it may turn out to be incorrect. On the other hand, when you LISTEN, you hear the words, you see the body language, you observe the expressions, the tonality and so on. Now, when you put all this together and make a decision, there is a higher probability that it may be the right one.
I would summarize the difference this way; “Hearing is through ears, but listening is through the mind.”
To take it a step further, hearing is an ability, and listening is a skill.
You have to CHOOSE to listen to the ideas and perspectives of others instead of just hearing them.
How well you listen, determines how well you connect, and connection is the key to leadership.
How to Listen Better
If you struggle to listen as a leader, here are a few tips to help you develop the skill.
1. Anchor Yourself
Demonstrating the skill of listening isn’t possible unless you give undivided attention to other person in the conversation. Far too often, leaders forget this simple, yet powerful leadership lesson:
You can’t truly listen until you are anchored into a conversation.
Put away your phone, close the computer and give people focused attention. As simple as this act is, most people don’t do it because they are unaware or unwilling. If, for some reason, that isn’t possible because of other priorities, be honest with yourself and others.
Like all skills, this can also be practiced.
Do these simple things every day:
- Have 3 conversations where you are giving undivided attention to the other person. Keep your mobile phone away, turn away from your desktop/laptop, face the other person, maintain eye contact, ignore other sounds and force yourself to pay attention.
As a Leader, this is what I suggest you tell your team member, “Let me shut what I am doing down so I can give you my undivided attention.”
2. Consider What Others Are Saying
One of the major distractions to active listening is we all start thinking of our response even while the other person is speaking. This leads to an incomplete and incoherent cognition of what is being said and actually affects our response negatively. Also, the other person doesnt get the sense of 'being heard'
The best leaders reject this approach because they know people are more likely to have an open heart and mind after feeling heard.
People are more likely to have an open heart and mind after feeling heard.
While you might disagree with what someone is saying, you demonstrate empathy and care by truly considering what others say before responding.
Do these simple things every day:
- Have 3 conversations where you are giving undivided attention to the other person. When your thoughts starts moving towards a response, focus it back on the person and what is being said. Post the conversation, check with the other person how he or she felt during the conversation.
3. Acknowledge
While you may not agree with everything being said. it is important that you acknowledge what is being said. The acknowledgement is not a sign of acceptance but the fact that you are giving him or her the full attention.
The best leaders always paraphrase or summarize the conversation to demonstrate they listened.
And the fact of the matter is that paraphrasing or summarizing is not possible unless you have done 1 and 2 above.
Do these simple things every day:
- Have 3 conversations where you are giving undivided attention to the other person. At regular intervals, nod your head or say some common words of acknowledgement like 'ok'. Once the other person has completed, paraphrase or summarize what he/she had said.
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