Responding to Disappointments

I was speaking to a friend. He mentioned that his company had lost a significant business opportunity during the week. He was disappointed and as the Head of Sales, felt a sense of responsibility for the loss. During the conversation, he reminisced on some of his decisions and felt a sense of regret.

That evening, I reflected on the conversation and related it to a few coaching conversations that I had where my coachees expressed a similar sense of disappointment.

These are some suggestions which could work in this situation

1) Disappointment is the gap between our expectations and reality.

Everyone has some form of expectations from self, from others and also from situations. Inevitably, when the outcome doesn't match the belief that something will or is likely to happen, it often creates negative feelings and emotions. 

This suggests that if we have no expectations, we won't be disappointed. Easier said than done, right? As human beings it is natural to have expectations. The trick is to know on what or whom should we have expectations. Yes, we have a choice. 

In the case of my friend, his expectation was on his company winning the contract. However, that was not in his control. What was in his control was their actions to win the deal. The expectations should have been on himself and his team to fully commit to these actions. Did he and his team meet these expectations? Maybe yes, then let the disappointment be on the reality. This will last for some time and not lead to the kind of response that my friend exhibited. If he and his team had not done enough, its time to take collective responsibility, reflect and put corrective actions in place.    

2. Focus on standards of behavior, not the expectations of results.
 
A standard is defining what good looks like. If you turn your attention to the standard of behavior that helps produce positive outcomes instead of the end result itself, you will achieve better results more often. Focusing too much on the end result hinders your best performance.

3. Fear and anger give bad advice

In moments of disappointment, one of the following emotions emerge.

i. Anger on the situation and on some people
ii. Fear begins to creep in our mind about whether we are good or worthy enough to achieve the result we want. 

Responding to the situation from behind these emotions would be incorrect. It is likely to lead to more choices which may lead to unwanted outcomes. Rather, this is the time to step back, take some time to cool down, think clearly, and then act accordingly.

 

Remember, it's never as bad as you think, and it's never as good as it appears.